Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
