Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
