I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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