Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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