She's JV to your varsity
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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