Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
