After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
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Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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