I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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