While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
