I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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