Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
