google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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