I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
