Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
