Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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