Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I intend to get homeless drunk
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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