Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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