I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I want a musical about memes.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
