Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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