I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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