End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
