Where is the hickey?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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