you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
