Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
