Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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