eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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