I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
