There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
