in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
