SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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