I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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