so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
this boner is exhausting
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
