he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
