he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
