She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
