Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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