I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I want a musical about memes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
