remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
A+ Viking dick
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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