my being single is dangerous.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
