respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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