Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
