Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
