WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Your dad touched me again.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
