i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
