im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
