Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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