Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
