I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
