Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
