we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
