i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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