Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
