is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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