maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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