my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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