Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
