your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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