she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Too much gin, very little bucket
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
