I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize