my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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